It's on my mind this week.... and not just because I'm six months pregnant now, so it's become rather elusive for me. It's really my kids I've been thinking about--their own sleeping habits. Because I am a selfish mother; I have already come to terms with that, admitted it. Not to say I'm not working on it, but selflessness is not my natural state of being just yet. Not nearly. So I really,
really covet my kids' nap time. It's my Me Time, my time to do my things; to hear my own thoughts again in a quiet house; to get things done without them being undone behind me; to be someone other than a mother.
My kids must know this on some level because their sleeping habits of late have been rather disappointing.... little scamps! Coren is trying to decide whether he even needs a nap at all anymore. So some days he just doesn't take one. Not a minute of shut-eye. No sir! (In his defense, he still plays quietly in his room for an hour or so....but then he's done, and he wants out.) And Risa--well, she's always been hot and cold. She just isn't the napper her brother once was, and two hours is really a long stretch for her. I know--two hours! That should be enough for me, right? But too often it isn't. Too often the selfish me comes out and I grumble as I walk over and open their doors. And bang! There goes my Me Time, my state of peace. Gone.
But this week, my kids have been a little sick. Just a little--they got touched with hints of a cold; and it's been just enough to wipe them out in the afternoons. We've had good long naps this week. And it's been really quite lovely.
But the sleep I've been thinking about happened on a quiet afternoon just three days ago. My kiddos had been down for an hour--a mere hour!--and here came Risa's cries through the vent. Bleh. So I grudgingly made my way downstairs to get her. But she was obviously not ready to be awake. As I pulled her up into my arms and came up the stairs, she threw her hands over her eyes and tucked her head under my chin, trying to block out the daylight. And she whimpered through her little snot-encrusted face and mouth. Poor thing! Well, it doesn't matter how selfish I'm feeling, my sick kids never leave me untouched. So I wiped her face off, and I made my way to my room. I got us both snuggled down into my bed, and Risa immediately fell asleep again, doing her best to breathe through her congested passageways. And I just laid there and watched her....
And she is beautiful. I just studied the way her long dark lashes cast shadows on her cheeks (a gorgeous feature both children inherited from their gorgeous father). The roundness of her cheek, which refuses to go svelte, even if the rest of her is thinning out. Her lips puckered out, so she could snore her way through her nap, with just enough space to glimpse her cute little gap teeth. She had one arm tucked behind her head, pillowing her. She was just perfect there. Really. And I think I watched her like that for a half-hour--the most precious Me Time of the week!
I was super-tempted, actually, to creep into Coren's room and watch him too--I really wanted to! But sadly, the other me took over again, and I just couldn't risk waking the boy up. But I imagined what he looked like.... curled in his favorite fetal position. Just at the edge of his bed, so his knees hang over, but nothing else. He sleeps silently, with his mouth closed, like his dad. And his cheeks go rosy--my favorite part. And his lashes look the same as his sister's, and his dad's. And every now and then, he re-situates his head on his pillow, taking a deep breath, but never coming up from his deep sleep. I have watched him sleep before.
I have beautiful children. Rascals in the day, but all innocence again in sleep. It's good to look at them like that again, every once in a while. To remember that. And hold it for a moment. Because I'm sure, any minute now, Coren will be knocking on his door.....
"Mom-may! I'm AWAKE!"
(And no, I don't have pics of them sleeping.... I wasn't about to start clicking and flashing during their naps!)
