To Have It All

So here's the thought I was having this week... My son just started throwing tantrums this week. Not unusual for children, I've been told. But Coren has been the ideal infant since the beginning--as mellow as potato soup, a perfect sleeper, happy to be left with anyone, and an all-around 9 month-old gentleman. Not so as of Wednesday. He will be heard! And so it is that he has discovered tantrums and that he LOVES them! Grant me serenity, right?

But then I made a discovery of my own... My squalling son is the new version of himself--the Coren 2.0, if you will. And this latest version, like all progressing models, is more fantastic than the previous version. Now, I heartily concede that I do not enjoy his tantrums; I imagine I never will. But my son is evolving... he is becoming dynamic! And seeing the dynamic transformation is one of the breathtaking heights of parenting that I have discovered thus far!

My son is dynamic. He will laugh. He will cry. And yes, he will rage! And he is fantastic! What care I for a flat landscape of a child, when I can have a flowing, mountainous, glacier-carving boy? People like Galileo and Magellan studied and explored to show us that we do not live on a flat plane of existence. We are round; we have depth and height, peaks and valleys; we are full.

In ignorance (understandable ignorance, but nonetheless), we say, "If only he was a tamer two year-old." "If you weren't so dramatic all the time." "If only my life was calmer." "Why do things have to be so hard?" Etc... Unconsciously we wish for a flatter existence. And achieving it, we discover there is nothing to discover. It is in getting angry that I understand that I must feel fairly strongly about this issue. It is in sleeping alone that I realize the warmth of my bed comes from my husband. It is in sitting, heartbroken, near my mother's grave that I understand that love is heavier than I ever imagined--and that truth makes it precious! If it were lighter, I could throw it off me and never miss it. I can't. And that makes it central to my existence.

We are dynamic beings because only there can we plumb our true depths and become ourselves. We are dynamic because, for heaven's sake, it's infinitely better than the alternative! So give me tantrums! Give me the occasional sorrow mixed with the inexhaustible joy!

And please, give me a room where I can hide till the tantrum is over.